I am doing this thing where I am looking at pictures of my girlfriend and I am imagining what it would be like to grab her head and kiss her in every one of them someone send help pronto!!!
I don’t know what is happening to me. I am having waves of good happy feelings followed by toxic thoughts, nostalgia and a physical knot in my gut. I literally can feel my heart sink every couple of minutes.
Quiero que este sentimiento se vaya. Esto no me había pasado en tanto tiempo. Pude vivir un par de años lejos de esta tela que me envuelve y no me deja moverme.
¿Es mi sino, mi camino, el vivir en este olvido? ¿El camino que mi destino a decidido es para mi y solo para mi? ¿Cómo las personas que vinieron antes de mi, tengo que viajar por el sendero de Dante, bajar la colina en medio de las llamas mientras sueño con los regalos que están en la cima de la montaña? Y, habiendo estado en la cima de la montaña, estoy obligado a conocer sus promesas y bendiciones, pero no destinado a disfrutarlas nuevamente. Estoy obligado a subir y bajar la colina. A ver el horizonte antes de ser arrastrado para nuevamente luchar las batallas ya conocidas y volver a empezar de cero. Empezar una vez mas, como ya tantas veces lo he hecho. Cual tragedia griega. Cual castigo de Zeus por mi insolencia, he de tener a la oscuridad persiguiéndome a cada paso, preparada para bajarme de mi trono cada vez que me sienta lo suficientemente seguro como para sonreirle a la vida.
day ratio: lcfh
Q:☾ (mountains and other happy things), ✉, ✂, ★ -ae :)
I just want you to know, when I first did this (3 months ago) I answered all the questions (?) in Spanish.
(I can’t draw)
"☾" and i’ll draw something of your choice
(mountains and other happy things)
"✉" and i’ll handwrite a little message for you
"✂" and i’ll handwrite something I find attractive
"★" and i’ll handwrite my favorite color
Some things. Sometimes.
Some things are hard to explain.
I, for example, cannot explain most of my feelings. It helps to know “why” I’m feeling that way, but sometimes that’s also not very clear.
And so it happens to be now.
Some things are difficult to handle. It can be even harder if you have to handle more than one of this difficult situations at once. It can be overwhelming. It can make simple tasks grow out of proportion. It can make necessary things even more needed.
Sometimes a couple of words are enough. Words are magic. A couple of words can bring light to your day, or they can throw you to the inner parts of yourself. They can cause such pain and insecurities that you feel like you just want to curl up, and cuddle your heart, and try to save it from further damage.
Its not really hard to be nice. It just takes a little bit more of time and patience sometimes. But sometimes there’s not enough patience, and then you snap, and that snap might be just a second in your life that relieved you from your own problems, but it translates as a long time in someone’s life that will constrict them more. Pull them from their insides. Break some chords. Pull them away from others.
And away they went
I keep forgetting that I can’t expect people to do for me as much as I would do for them. This song has been playing for so many years and I still can’t dance to the tune. Some things never change.
This is a video I did a while back, and I am really proud of it. Maybe some of you might enjoy it :)
*Looks at homework* *looks at computer*
nah, I still have the rest of the day to do that
*goes to netflix*
I am at that weird point where every time I start feeling better and finding reasons to smile I just feel my heart sink into my stomach. It almost seems as if my mind is telling me that happy is not okay right now. Not allowed.
It is a weird thing that has never happened to me before. As every new thing, its intriguing and hard to understand. Sometimes I feel myself on my way to being good again. To feel like everything is as it shou-
And then there’s this limit. This barrier. A very metaphysical level of happiness that, when reached, it floods all the positive feelings out.
It’s frustrating to just have the hope of things looking up and then being pushed back to the beginning. Having the words I want to say in my mouth, words I was able to say last week, and not being physically capable of letting them out.
Day ratio: BFD