I need to /stop/ having shitty days?
Or more like, stop having days in which I feel shitty.
That would be awesome.
Well… I, for some reason, want to watch all the Twilight movies right now… It’s been like that for the last couple of days.
So I probably will.
I just felt like sharing that with the world.
(Please send your hate and silly messages to my intern)
Its been a while since I wrote a Blog post about… anything really. Like, an actual fleshed out, topic centric, and not-so-sad blog post.
Even thought I kinda feel like I have enough bad things going on at the moment to make another sad blog entry about my problems, right now I am a little more light hearted and I think I can focus on the good stuff for the time been. Not just a minute ago I was laughing at something and I thought to myself “damn, I forgot I have problems in my life at the moment what the actual what?”… yet that didn’t actually bring my mood down.
So yeah, y’know? Stuff happens and I deal with it as I can and as I go. I don’t have a script for this shit, I am kind of improvising as I move along. When I was in high school I loved to improvise all my presentations, and I was pretty good at it (if I dare to say so myself). It was a fun thing to do.
Anyway, a lot of stuff has happened in the last couple of months. New flatmate, end of the semester and finals going on, picked up on some new hobbies, kept going with the old ones…
I am looking forward for next week because by then most of my finals will be over and I’ll get the chance to relax a bit and dip into some videogames I wanted to dedicate time to. I have been wanting to play Deus Ex HR, but if I am going to play that game, I am going to freaking read and search and find everything there is to find (or that I can find without a guide). So that means I’ll spend 3 hours in the first level only.
I also want to have one day where I only play Terraria. I fucking hate that game, yet it is the most played game on my steam account, and I want to get to at least get to hard mode on that. Before they did the big new patch last year I was about to get to hardmode, and then they released the patch and my old world changed and it was pretty much useless, so I had to start all over again and for fucks sake, that was harsh.
And also, Kaizo Mario is a thing, but I don’t think I’ll actually do that.
After I did the “Rain” video (which I still think is the video I am the proudest of), I pretty much abandoned my vlog. More time has passed than what I originally intended, but I still have gotten new subscribers here and there, so I think I’ll bring it back. I have tried to have regular content on it for the longest time, but that is something really hard to do. I might try it again, and start doing both vlogs and gameplay in it just for the sake of it, but I can’t promise anything. I have a couple of video ideas that I want to work on. Some are normal vlogs where I talk about stuff, and some are similar to what I did with “Rain”, and are the ones I am more interested in.
I am even thinking about a really big project… something… a little bit more out there….
Uni is hard, bruh… Like, jeez, so much hard work and shit.I am enjoying it still, but exams, (as I said in my last blog entry), are stressful.
After my last final I’ll have 2 weeks free, so I am planning on using that time the best way possible to work on my projects and enjoy my free time.
I am thinking of doing a lot of different mini projects whenever I have time. My first will probably be to make some coasters myself, as I saw a DIY on youtube that seems simple and fun. I want to try some DIY, as well as go out for some video and/or photo trips, and as I am going to have a “all videogames” day, I’ll also have a “all train rides” day, just because why the hell not.
I am thinking of doing something with the blank canvas I bought a year ago on Osnabrück, but I am a really bad artist, so I want to take my time doing that. I’ll probably mix my writing project with the youtube thing I am planning, because now that I said it I am having great ideas about it.
I always have the feeling after I write posts like these that I have to make myself clear to the 3 of you who might actually end up reading this shit: I write this stuff for me. You might read this and have no clue about what I am writing. And to be honest, when I start writing about my life on a text post I rarely know where I really want to go with it. It is more of a compilation of ideas and thoughts that I want to write down for whenever I decide to look back and see what my life was back then. Same with my videoblogs (for the most part). So if you are reading this (you big dummy), and you have no idea what is going on with this, this is why.
However, if you read this and have a comment or question about anything, feel free to send me a message. After all, I write this stuff, and I could post it privately, but I don’t.My posts might not always be clear enough for an outside audience, but I think that is something that will change in the future. Its just been a couple of rough months for me.
I think we can all agree that the time before a final test tends to be stressful.
Either you are still on high school, dealing with those subjects you are not really interested in, but that are obligatory for your education; or if you are a university student, having to walk the line between hard work and having fun to learn in the most efficient way; we can all say that finals are a good reason to dislike being a student more so than other times.
Well, I say that, hoping that it is true for other people the same way it is for me.
I am at my second round of finals at the university, and so far so good. Last semester (which was my first) I had a couple of problems here and there, failing to pass Advanced Mathematics 1 and Physics. I’ve heard that failing the first semester of Math is not that uncommon for students of Mechanical Engineering, and to be honest, that was a relieve for me. I mean, if I am studying engineering, I should make sure to understand all the basic math that is involved in my studies right off the bat, right?
Then again, it is a bit harder to do so when the class is strongly based on a lot of theory (which is something I wasn’t used to when studying numbers and formulas), and have to understand and absorb all of it on another language.
Now, I am not saying I couldn’t understand the monotone voice of my professors telling us about the characteristics of a matrix and how we can apply the Gaussian elimination rules to it in German, but it definitely requires more effort and concentration, and it is therefore more exhausting to do so.
I tend to find that studying and preparing for tests in a language that is not my own is not very different than studying in my own language. There are just two main differences:
Yes, being a foreign student is hard, and even more so if you, as me, ended up in this position by a mix of luck and destiny, with a tad of ruined plans in it.
Nevertheless, I am glad to be in this position. And yes, maybe I didn’t get through all my classes on my first semester, but hey! I’ll keep trying! I already passed the Math test this semester, and I have physics this Friday, for which I have been preparing in the last couple of days.
To be honest, I am proud of myself and of what I have accomplished so far. I am proud of the effort I have put into my studies, and I am proud of the results, because I know that regardless of what happens, I am giving the best I can.
As bad as they seem, failures are better teachers than accomplishments, and they are important in life for this very reason.
I don’t know what is happening to me. I am having waves of good happy feelings followed by toxic thoughts, nostalgia and a physical knot in my gut. I literally can feel my heart sink every couple of minutes.
Quiero que este sentimiento se vaya. Esto no me había pasado en tanto tiempo. Pude vivir un par de años lejos de esta tela que me envuelve y no me deja moverme.
¿Es mi sino, mi camino, el vivir en este olvido? ¿El camino que mi destino a decidido es para mi y solo para mi? ¿Cómo las personas que vinieron antes de mi, tengo que viajar por el sendero de Dante, bajar la colina en medio de las llamas mientras sueño con los regalos que están en la cima de la montaña? Y, habiendo estado en la cima de la montaña, estoy obligado a conocer sus promesas y bendiciones, pero no destinado a disfrutarlas nuevamente. Estoy obligado a subir y bajar la colina. A ver el horizonte antes de ser arrastrado para nuevamente luchar las batallas ya conocidas y volver a empezar de cero. Empezar una vez mas, como ya tantas veces lo he hecho. Cual tragedia griega. Cual castigo de Zeus por mi insolencia, he de tener a la oscuridad persiguiéndome a cada paso, preparada para bajarme de mi trono cada vez que me sienta lo suficientemente seguro como para sonreirle a la vida.
day ratio: lcfh
I just want you to know, when I first did this (3 months ago) I answered all the questions (?) in Spanish.
(I can’t draw)
"☾" and i’ll draw something of your choice
(mountains and other happy things)
"✉" and i’ll handwrite a little message for you
"✂" and i’ll handwrite something I find attractive
"★" and i’ll handwrite my favorite color